Who Runs the Human Body?

In the human body, which organ is in
charge?

All the organs of the body were having
a
meeting, trying to decide who was in
charge.

The brain said: "I should be in charge,
because I run all the body's systems,
so
without me nothing would happen."

"I should be in charge," said the
heart,
"because I pump the blood and circulate
oxygen all over the body, so without me
you'd all waste away."

"I should be in charge," said the
stomach, "because I process food and
give all of you energy."

"I should be in charge," said the
rectum, "because I'm responsible for
waste removal."

All the other body parts laughed at the
rectum and insulted him, so in a huff,
he shut down tight. Within a few days,
the brain had a terrible headache, the
stomach was bloated, and the blood was
toxic. Eventually the other organs gave
in. They all agreed that the rectum
should be the boss.

The moral of the story?

You don't have to be smart or important
to be in charge... just an *sshole.

⌐MEXICAN SMUGGLER

Juan comes up to the Mexican border on
his bicycle. He's got two large bags
over his shoulders.

The guard stops him and says, "What''s
in the bags?"

"Sand," answered Juan.

The guard says, "We'll just see about
that get off the bike." The guard takes
the bags and rips them apart; he
empties
them out and finds nothing in them but
sand.

He detains Juan overnight and has the
sand analyzed, only to discover that
there is nothing but pure sand in the
bags.

The guard releases Juan, puts the sand
into new bags, hefts them onto the
man''s shoulders, and lets him cross
the
border.

A week later, the same thing happens.
The guard asks, "What have you got?"

"Sand," says Juan.

The guard does his thorough examination
and discovers that the bags contain
nothing but sand.He gives the sand back
to Juan, and Juan crosses the border on
his bicycle.

This sequence of events if repeated
every day for three years. Finally,
Juan
doesn't show up one day and the guard
meets him in a Cantina in Mexico.

"Hey, Buddy," says the guard, "I know
you are smuggling something. It's
driving me crazy. It's all I think
about..... I can't sleep. Just between
you and me, what are you smuggling?"

Juan sips his beer and
says, "Bicycles."

The Blonde and the Blinker

Two blondes were driving down the road.
The blonde driving looks at her friend
in the passenger seat and asks her to
see if her blinker is working. So the
blonde looks out the window and says,
''Yes. No. Yes. No.''

⌐Carbon Dating

How do you embarrass an archaeologist?

Give him a used tampon and ask him what
period it came from

The Waiter and the Fart

A woman walks into a restaurant and
sits
down. As she bends down to reach into
her purse for her wallet, she farts
loudly with the waiter right behind
her.
She sits abruptly back up, glares at
the
waiter and shouts “Stop that!”
To which the waiter replies, “Sure,
which way did it go?”

CINTA VS SUKA

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Di hadapan orang yang kita cinta, hati
kita akan berdegup kencang.
Tapi di depan orang yang kita suka, hati
kita akan gembira.

Di depan orang yang kita cinta, musim
sentiasa berbunga-bunga.
Di depan orang yang kita suka, musim itu
cuma berangin sahaja.

Jikalau kita lihat di dalam mata orang
yang kita cinta, kita akan kaku.
Jikalau kita melihat mata orang yang
kita suka, kita akan tersenyum.

Di depan orang yang kita cinta, lidah
kelu untuk berkata-kata.
Di depan orang yang kita suka, lidah
bebas berkata apa sahaja.

Di depan orang yang kita cinta, kita
menjadi malu.
Di depan orang yang kita suka, kita akan
tunjukkan imej yang sebenar.

Kita tidak boleh merenung mata orang
yang kita cinta.
Tapi kita selalu merenung mata orang
yang kita suka.

Bila orang yang kita cinta menangis,
kita akan turut menangis.
Bila orang yang kita suka menangis, kita
akan membuat dia gembira.

Perasaan cinta bermula dari kata.
Perasaan suka bermula dari telinga.


Jadi, jikalau kita berhenti menyukai
seseorang yang kita suka. Umpama kita
membuang telinga kita. Tapi jika kita
cuba menutup mata. Cinta berbuah menjadi
airmata. Setiap orang akan mengalami ini
dalam hidup mereka.

Cuma fikirkanlah bersama-sama siapa yang
anda cinta.

⌐HUSBANDS STORE

A brand new store has just opened in
New York City that sells Husbands.

When women go to choose a husband,
they have to follow the instructions
at the entrance:

"You may visit this store ONLY ONCE!"
There are 6 floors and the value of
the products increase as you ascend
the flights. You may choose any item
from a particular floor, or may choose
to go up to the next floor, but you
CANNOT go back down except to exit the
building! So, a woman goes to the
Husband Store to find a husband.

On the 1st floor the sign on the door
reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs. The 2nd
floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love
Kids.
The 3rd floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love
Kids and are extremely good looking.
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled
to keep going.

She goes to the 4th floor and the
sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love
Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and
Help with Housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can
hardly stand it!"

Still, she goes to the 5th floor and
sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love
Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, help
with Housework and Have A Strong
Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she
goes to the 6th floor and the sign
reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012
to this floor. There are no men on
this floor. This floor exists solely
as proof that women are impossible to
please. Thank you for shopping at the
Husband Store.

To avoid gender bias charges, the
store's owner opens a New Wives store
just across the street.

The 1st floor has wives that love sex.
The 2nd floor has wives that love sex
and have money.
The 3rd through 6th floors have never
been visited.