GAME OF INTELLIGENCE

A blonde chick found herself sitting next to a lawyer on an airplane. Bored, the lawyer kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence (lawyers like easy prey). Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers he’d give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.

The lawyer first asked, “What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?” Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5.

The blonde then asked, “What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?”

The lawyer looked puzzled. He spent nearly an hour, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls, trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00

The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, “What is the answer to your question?”

Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.

THE INTELLIGENT

While visiting England, George Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people.

Bush asks how she knows if they’re intelligent.

“I do so by asking them the right questions,” says the Queen. “Allow me to demonstrate.”

Bush watches as the Queen phones Tony Blair and says, “Mr. Prime Minister, please answer this question: your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?”

Tony Blair responds, “It’s me, ma’am.”

“Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir,” says the Queen. She hangs up and says, “Did you get that, Mr. Bush?”

Bush nods: “Yes ma’am. Thanks a lot. I’ll definitely be using that!”

Bush, upon returning to Washington, decides he’d better put the Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. Bush summons Jesse Helms to the White House and says, “Senator Helms, I wonder if you can answer a question for me.”

“Why, of course, sir. What’s on your mind?”

Bush poses the question: “Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?”

Helms hems and haws and finally asks, “Can I think about it and get back to you?”

Bush agrees, and Helms leaves. He immediately calls a meeting of other senior Republican senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Helms calls Colin Powell at the State Department and explains his problem.

“Now look here, son, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?”

Powell answers immediately, “It’s me, of course.”

Much relieved, Helms rushes back to the White House, finds George Bush, and exclaims, “I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It’s Colin Powell!”

And Bush replies in disgust, “Wrong, you dumb shit, it’s Tony Blair!”

⌐75 STORY SKY SCRAPER

 Bill, Jim, and Scott were at a convention together and were
sharing a large suite on the top of a 75 story sky scraper.
After a long day of meetings they were shocked to hear that the
elevators in their hotel were broken and they would have to climb
75 flights of stairs to get to their room.

Bill said to Jim and
Scott, let's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by
concentrating on something interesting.  I'll tell jokes for 25
flights, and Jim can sing songs for 25 flights, and Scott can
tell sad stories the rest of the way.  At the 26th floor Bill
stopped telling jokes and Jim began to sing.  At the 51st floor
Jim stopped singing and Scott began to tell sad stories.  "I will
tell my saddest story first," he said.  "I left the room key in
the car!"

⌐MEXICAN SMUGGLER

Juan comes up to the Mexican border on
his bicycle. He's got two large bags
over his shoulders.

The guard stops him and says, "What''s
in the bags?"

"Sand," answered Juan.

The guard says, "We'll just see about
that get off the bike." The guard takes
the bags and rips them apart; he
empties
them out and finds nothing in them but
sand.

He detains Juan overnight and has the
sand analyzed, only to discover that
there is nothing but pure sand in the
bags.

The guard releases Juan, puts the sand
into new bags, hefts them onto the
man''s shoulders, and lets him cross
the
border.

A week later, the same thing happens.
The guard asks, "What have you got?"

"Sand," says Juan.

The guard does his thorough examination
and discovers that the bags contain
nothing but sand.He gives the sand back
to Juan, and Juan crosses the border on
his bicycle.

This sequence of events if repeated
every day for three years. Finally,
Juan
doesn't show up one day and the guard
meets him in a Cantina in Mexico.

"Hey, Buddy," says the guard, "I know
you are smuggling something. It's
driving me crazy. It's all I think
about..... I can't sleep. Just between
you and me, what are you smuggling?"

Juan sips his beer and
says, "Bicycles."

⌐Carbon Dating

How do you embarrass an archaeologist?

Give him a used tampon and ask him what
period it came from