sell GJ at 199.21 (see the red arrow)
tp :198.75
profit 46 pips
tp :198.75
profit 46 pips
Monday, March 31, 2008
Saturday, March 29, 2008
GAME OF INTELLIGENCE
A blonde chick found herself sitting next to a lawyer on an airplane. Bored, the lawyer kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence (lawyers like easy prey). Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers he’d give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.
The lawyer first asked, “What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?” Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5.
The blonde then asked, “What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?”
The lawyer looked puzzled. He spent nearly an hour, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls, trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00
The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, “What is the answer to your question?”
Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.
FEMALE'S ENGLISH
WOMEN’S ENGLISH
Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
I’m sorry = You’ll be sorry
We need = I want
It’s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious
Do what you want = You’ll pay for this later
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure, go ahead = I don’t want you to do that
I’m not upset = Of course I’m upset
You’re so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
Be romantic and turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house
I want new curtains = I want new curtains, carpeting, furniture, and wallpaper
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep
Do you love me? = I want something expensive
How much do you love me? = I did something terrible today
I’ll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
Friday, March 28, 2008
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Sunday, March 23, 2008
THE INTELLIGENT
While visiting England, George Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people.
Bush asks how she knows if they’re intelligent.
“I do so by asking them the right questions,” says the Queen. “Allow me to demonstrate.”
Bush watches as the Queen phones Tony Blair and says, “Mr. Prime Minister, please answer this question: your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?”
Tony Blair responds, “It’s me, ma’am.”
“Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir,” says the Queen. She hangs up and says, “Did you get that, Mr. Bush?”
Bush nods: “Yes ma’am. Thanks a lot. I’ll definitely be using that!”
Bush, upon returning to Washington, decides he’d better put the Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. Bush summons Jesse Helms to the White House and says, “Senator Helms, I wonder if you can answer a question for me.”
“Why, of course, sir. What’s on your mind?”
Bush poses the question: “Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?”
Helms hems and haws and finally asks, “Can I think about it and get back to you?”
Bush agrees, and Helms leaves. He immediately calls a meeting of other senior Republican senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Helms calls Colin Powell at the State Department and explains his problem.
“Now look here, son, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?”
Powell answers immediately, “It’s me, of course.”
Much relieved, Helms rushes back to the White House, finds George Bush, and exclaims, “I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It’s Colin Powell!”
And Bush replies in disgust, “Wrong, you dumb shit, it’s Tony Blair!”
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
WOMEN'S EDUCATION
We always hear "the rules" from the
female side. Now here are the rules
from the male side.
These are OUR rules:
Please note… these are all
numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Breasts are for looking at and that
is why we do it. Don’t try to change
that.--damn right!!haha
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it
down. We need it up, you need it down.
You don’t hear us complaining about
you leaving it down.
1. Saturday = sports. It’s like the
full moon or the changing of the
tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we
are never going to think of it that
way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be
clear on this one:
* Subtle hints do not work!
* Strong hints do not work!
* Obvious hints do not work!
* JUST SAY IT!
1. ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ are perfectly
acceptable answers to almost every
question
1. Come to us with a problem only if
you want help solving it. That’s what
we do. Sympathy is what your
girlfriends are for
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months
is a problem. See a doctor
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is
inadmissible in an argument. In fact,
all comments become null and void
after 7 days
1. If you think you’re fat, you
probably are. Don’t ask us
1. If something we said can be
interpreted two ways, and one of the
ways makes you sad or angry, we meant
the other one
1. You can either ask us to do
something or tell us how you want it
done, not both. If you already know
best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say
whatever you have to say during
commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need
directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colours,
like Windows default settings. Peach,
for example, is a fruit, not a colour.
Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no
idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you
say "nothing," we will act like
nothing’s wrong. We know you are
lying, but it is just not worth the
hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don’t
want an answer to, expect an answer
you don’t want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere,
absolutely anything you wear is fine,
Really
1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking
about unless you are prepared to
discuss such topics as:
* Sex,
* Sport,
* Cars,
* or Computers
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I
know, I have to sleep on the couch
tonight, but did you know men really
don’t mind that, it’s like camping.
Pass this to as many men as you can -
to give them a laugh.
Pass this to as many women as you can -
to give them an education
female side. Now here are the rules
from the male side.
These are OUR rules:
Please note… these are all
numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Breasts are for looking at and that
is why we do it. Don’t try to change
that.--damn right!!haha
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it
down. We need it up, you need it down.
You don’t hear us complaining about
you leaving it down.
1. Saturday = sports. It’s like the
full moon or the changing of the
tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we
are never going to think of it that
way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be
clear on this one:
* Subtle hints do not work!
* Strong hints do not work!
* Obvious hints do not work!
* JUST SAY IT!
1. ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ are perfectly
acceptable answers to almost every
question
1. Come to us with a problem only if
you want help solving it. That’s what
we do. Sympathy is what your
girlfriends are for
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months
is a problem. See a doctor
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is
inadmissible in an argument. In fact,
all comments become null and void
after 7 days
1. If you think you’re fat, you
probably are. Don’t ask us
1. If something we said can be
interpreted two ways, and one of the
ways makes you sad or angry, we meant
the other one
1. You can either ask us to do
something or tell us how you want it
done, not both. If you already know
best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say
whatever you have to say during
commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need
directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colours,
like Windows default settings. Peach,
for example, is a fruit, not a colour.
Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no
idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you
say "nothing," we will act like
nothing’s wrong. We know you are
lying, but it is just not worth the
hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don’t
want an answer to, expect an answer
you don’t want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere,
absolutely anything you wear is fine,
Really
1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking
about unless you are prepared to
discuss such topics as:
* Sex,
* Sport,
* Cars,
* or Computers
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I
know, I have to sleep on the couch
tonight, but did you know men really
don’t mind that, it’s like camping.
Pass this to as many men as you can -
to give them a laugh.
Pass this to as many women as you can -
to give them an education
Saturday, March 8, 2008
⌐75 STORY SKY SCRAPER
Bill, Jim, and Scott were at a convention together and were
sharing a large suite on the top of a 75 story sky scraper.
After a long day of meetings they were shocked to hear that the
elevators in their hotel were broken and they would have to climb
75 flights of stairs to get to their room.
Bill said to Jim and
Scott, let's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by
concentrating on something interesting. I'll tell jokes for 25
flights, and Jim can sing songs for 25 flights, and Scott can
tell sad stories the rest of the way. At the 26th floor Bill
stopped telling jokes and Jim began to sing. At the 51st floor
Jim stopped singing and Scott began to tell sad stories. "I will
tell my saddest story first," he said. "I left the room key in
the car!"
Monday, March 3, 2008
SELFISH?
it was like "dont ask what your country
can do for you,the problem is what you
can do to your country" same goes with
this stupid bulletin, why keep asking
the male species to treat female the way
they like? so female,stop asking and
start giving. be a bit reasonable,dont
you think that it was very SELFISH?
When she walks away from you
mad
[ Follow her ]
When she stares at your mouth
[ smile...then kiss her ]
When she pushes you or hit's you
[ hug her tight ]
When she starts cursing at you
[ say i love you ]
When she's quiet
[ hold her hand and ask what's wrong ]
When she ignores you
[ act cute so she'll notice you ]
When she pulls away
[ Pull her back ]
When you see her at her worst
[ tell her you love her and she still
looks amazing ]
When you see her start crying
[hold her...ask her what's wrong]
When you see her walking
[ approach her..give a kiss on the
cheek. ]
When she's scared
[assure her you're not goin to leave
her ]
When she lays her head on your
shoulder
[ tilt your head too..and hold her
hand ]
When she steals your favorite hat
[ let her keep it]
When she teases you
[ Tease her back and make her laugh ]
When she doesnt answer for a long time
[ reassure her that everything is
okay ]
When she looks at you with doubt
[ Back yourself up ]
When she says that she likes you
[ she really does more than you could
understand ]
When she grabs at your hands
[ Hold hers and play with her
fingers ]
When she bumps into you
[ bump into her back and make her
laugh ]
When she tells you a secret
[ keep it safe and untold ]
When she looks at you in your eyes
[ dont look away until she does ]
When she misses you
[ she's hurting inside ]
When you break her heart
[ the pain never really goes away ]
When she says its over
[ she still wants you to be hers ]
When she repost this bulletin
[ she wants you to read it ]
- Stay on the phone with her even if
shes not saying anything.
- When she's mad hug her tight and
don't
let go
- When she says she's ok dont believe
it, talk with her
- because 10 yrs later she'll remember
you:
- Call her at 12:00am on her birthday
to tell her you love her
- Call her before you sleep and after
you wake up
- Treat her like she's all that matters
to you.
- Tease her and let her tease you back.
- Stay up all night with her when she's
sick.
- Watch her favorite movie with her or
her favorite show even if you think its
stupid.
- Give her the world.
- Let her wear your clothes.
- When she's bored and sad, hang out
with her.
- Let her know she's important.
- Kiss her in the pouring rain.
- When she runs up at you crying, the
first thing you say is;
"Who's ass am I kicking babe?"
If you do forward this in the next four
minutes the one you love will :
•Call you.
•Kiss you.
•Love you.
•Text you.
Guys forward as: "i'd be this
boyfriend."
Girls forward as: "A true boyfriend "
or "
what a boyfriend should do
OR
IF U WANT ME TO DO THESE U MIGHT ALSO
KILL ME!!
can do for you,the problem is what you
can do to your country" same goes with
this stupid bulletin, why keep asking
the male species to treat female the way
they like? so female,stop asking and
start giving. be a bit reasonable,dont
you think that it was very SELFISH?
When she walks away from you
mad
[ Follow her ]
When she stares at your mouth
[ smile...then kiss her ]
When she pushes you or hit's you
[ hug her tight ]
When she starts cursing at you
[ say i love you ]
When she's quiet
[ hold her hand and ask what's wrong ]
When she ignores you
[ act cute so she'll notice you ]
When she pulls away
[ Pull her back ]
When you see her at her worst
[ tell her you love her and she still
looks amazing ]
When you see her start crying
[hold her...ask her what's wrong]
When you see her walking
[ approach her..give a kiss on the
cheek. ]
When she's scared
[assure her you're not goin to leave
her ]
When she lays her head on your
shoulder
[ tilt your head too..and hold her
hand ]
When she steals your favorite hat
[ let her keep it]
When she teases you
[ Tease her back and make her laugh ]
When she doesnt answer for a long time
[ reassure her that everything is
okay ]
When she looks at you with doubt
[ Back yourself up ]
When she says that she likes you
[ she really does more than you could
understand ]
When she grabs at your hands
[ Hold hers and play with her
fingers ]
When she bumps into you
[ bump into her back and make her
laugh ]
When she tells you a secret
[ keep it safe and untold ]
When she looks at you in your eyes
[ dont look away until she does ]
When she misses you
[ she's hurting inside ]
When you break her heart
[ the pain never really goes away ]
When she says its over
[ she still wants you to be hers ]
When she repost this bulletin
[ she wants you to read it ]
- Stay on the phone with her even if
shes not saying anything.
- When she's mad hug her tight and
don't
let go
- When she says she's ok dont believe
it, talk with her
- because 10 yrs later she'll remember
you:
- Call her at 12:00am on her birthday
to tell her you love her
- Call her before you sleep and after
you wake up
- Treat her like she's all that matters
to you.
- Tease her and let her tease you back.
- Stay up all night with her when she's
sick.
- Watch her favorite movie with her or
her favorite show even if you think its
stupid.
- Give her the world.
- Let her wear your clothes.
- When she's bored and sad, hang out
with her.
- Let her know she's important.
- Kiss her in the pouring rain.
- When she runs up at you crying, the
first thing you say is;
"Who's ass am I kicking babe?"
If you do forward this in the next four
minutes the one you love will :
•Call you.
•Kiss you.
•Love you.
•Text you.
Guys forward as: "i'd be this
boyfriend."
Girls forward as: "A true boyfriend "
or "
what a boyfriend should do
OR
IF U WANT ME TO DO THESE U MIGHT ALSO
KILL ME!!
WHY DO U LOVE ME?
this is another stupid sweet story,the
reason girl ask this question is only
because they wanted to hear guys saying
good things about them.What ever the
reason pn as long as u say that ur girl
is pretty she will be satisfied enough.
Admit it pompuan mmg ske dipuji...kn?kn?
Lady: Why do you like me..? Why do you
LoVe me?
Man: I can't tell the reason... but I
really like you...
Lady: You can't even tell me the
reason... how can you say you like me?
How can you say you LoVe me?
Man: I really don't know the reason,
but I can prove that I LoVe you.
Lady: Proof? No! I want you to tell me
the reason. My friend's boyfriend can
tell her why he LoVes her but not you!
Man: Ok...ok!!! Erm... because you are
beautiful, because your voice is sweet,
because you are caring, because you are
LoVing, because you are thoughtful,
because of your smile, because of your
every movement.
The lady felt very satisfied with the
man's answer.
Unfortunately, a few days later, the
Lady met with an accident & became
coma.
The Guy then placed a letter by her
side, & here is the content:
Darling, Because of your sweet voice
that I LoVe you...
Now can you talk?
No! Therefore I cannot LoVe you.
Because of your care and concern that I
like you...
Now that you cannot show them,
therefore I cannot LoVe you.
Because of your smile, because of your
every movements that I LoVe you...
Now can you smile?
Now can you move?
No, therefore I cannot LoVe you...
If LoVe needs a reason, like now, there
is no reason for me to LoVe you
anymore.
Does LoVe need a reason?
NO!
Therefore, I still LoVe you...
And LoVe doesn't need a reason
"Sometimes the best & the most
beautiful things in the world cannot be
seen, cannot be touched, but can be
felt in the Heart”
Life is Beautiful…
reason girl ask this question is only
because they wanted to hear guys saying
good things about them.What ever the
reason pn as long as u say that ur girl
is pretty she will be satisfied enough.
Admit it pompuan mmg ske dipuji...kn?kn?
Lady: Why do you like me..? Why do you
LoVe me?
Man: I can't tell the reason... but I
really like you...
Lady: You can't even tell me the
reason... how can you say you like me?
How can you say you LoVe me?
Man: I really don't know the reason,
but I can prove that I LoVe you.
Lady: Proof? No! I want you to tell me
the reason. My friend's boyfriend can
tell her why he LoVes her but not you!
Man: Ok...ok!!! Erm... because you are
beautiful, because your voice is sweet,
because you are caring, because you are
LoVing, because you are thoughtful,
because of your smile, because of your
every movement.
The lady felt very satisfied with the
man's answer.
Unfortunately, a few days later, the
Lady met with an accident & became
coma.
The Guy then placed a letter by her
side, & here is the content:
Darling, Because of your sweet voice
that I LoVe you...
Now can you talk?
No! Therefore I cannot LoVe you.
Because of your care and concern that I
like you...
Now that you cannot show them,
therefore I cannot LoVe you.
Because of your smile, because of your
every movements that I LoVe you...
Now can you smile?
Now can you move?
No, therefore I cannot LoVe you...
If LoVe needs a reason, like now, there
is no reason for me to LoVe you
anymore.
Does LoVe need a reason?
NO!
Therefore, I still LoVe you...
And LoVe doesn't need a reason
"Sometimes the best & the most
beautiful things in the world cannot be
seen, cannot be touched, but can be
felt in the Heart”
Life is Beautiful…
ALMOST TRUE
--Guys may be flirting around all day
but before they go to sleep, they
always think about the girl they truly
care about.
--Don't talk about your guy friends to
your boyfriend.
--Guys get jealous easily.
--Guys are more emotional than they'd
like people to think.
--Giving a guy a hanging message
like "You know
what?!..uh...nevermind.." would make
him jump to a conclusion that is far
from what you are thinking. And he'll
assume he did something wrong and
he'll obsess about it trying to figure
it out.
--Guys are good flatterers when
courting but they usually stammer when
they talk to a girl they really like.
--A usual act that proves that the guy
likes you is when he teases you.
--Guys love you more than you love
them if they are serious in your
relationships.
--Guys think WAY too much. One small
thing a girl does, even if she doesn't
notice it can make the guy think about
it for hours, trying to figure out
what it meant.
--Guys seek for advice from girls not
other guys. Because most guys think
alike, so if one guy's confused, then
we're all confused.
--When a guy asks you to leave him
alone, he's just actually
saying, "Please come and listen to me."
--If a guy starts to talk seriously,
listen to him. It doesn't happen that
often, so when it does, you know
something's up.
--A guy has more problems than you can
see with your naked eyes.
--Don't be a snob. Guys can be
intimidated and give up easily.
--Guys talk about girls more than
girls talk about guys.
--Guys hate rejection, but they hate
being led on even more.
--If you are going to reject a guy,
just do it. Don't say they are like a
brother or just good friends, it just
hurts even more. Tell them that you
aren't interested in a relationship
and they will respect you.
--Guys really think that girls are
strange and have unpredictable
decisions and are MAD confusing but
somehow are drawn even more to them
B4 & AFTER MARRIAGE
Before marriage.
Darling here.. Darling there...
After marriage.
Baling here... Baling there..
Before marriage.
I die for you. . .
After marriage.
"You die, up to you. "
Lagi lama married.
You die I help you!
Before marriage.
You go anywhere. . I follow you.
After marriage. .
You go anywhere. . Up to you .
Lagi lama married.
You go anywhere better get lost!!
Before wedding
You are my heart, you are my love"
After wedding
"you get on my nerves. "
Before wedding
"you are sweet and kind just like
Cinderella"
After wedding
"you are worse than godzila"
Before wedding
Roses are red, violets are blue. Like it
or not, I'm stuck with you
After wedding
Roses are dead, I am blue. You get on my
head, I will sue you
Before wedding
Every makan time he brings you to Shangri-La
After wedding
You want to go, he says you wait-la
Before wedding
She looks like Anita Sarawak
After wedding
Don't know whether katak or biawak
Darling here.. Darling there...
After marriage.
Baling here... Baling there..
Before marriage.
I die for you. . .
After marriage.
"You die, up to you. "
Lagi lama married.
You die I help you!
Before marriage.
You go anywhere. . I follow you.
After marriage. .
You go anywhere. . Up to you .
Lagi lama married.
You go anywhere better get lost!!
Before wedding
You are my heart, you are my love"
After wedding
"you get on my nerves. "
Before wedding
"you are sweet and kind just like
Cinderella"
After wedding
"you are worse than godzila"
Before wedding
Roses are red, violets are blue. Like it
or not, I'm stuck with you
After wedding
Roses are dead, I am blue. You get on my
head, I will sue you
Before wedding
Every makan time he brings you to Shangri-La
After wedding
You want to go, he says you wait-la
Before wedding
She looks like Anita Sarawak
After wedding
Don't know whether katak or biawak
Sunday, March 2, 2008
Who Runs the Human Body?
In the human body, which organ is in
charge?
All the organs of the body were having
a
meeting, trying to decide who was in
charge.
The brain said: "I should be in charge,
because I run all the body's systems,
so
without me nothing would happen."
"I should be in charge," said the
heart,
"because I pump the blood and circulate
oxygen all over the body, so without me
you'd all waste away."
"I should be in charge," said the
stomach, "because I process food and
give all of you energy."
"I should be in charge," said the
rectum, "because I'm responsible for
waste removal."
All the other body parts laughed at the
rectum and insulted him, so in a huff,
he shut down tight. Within a few days,
the brain had a terrible headache, the
stomach was bloated, and the blood was
toxic. Eventually the other organs gave
in. They all agreed that the rectum
should be the boss.
The moral of the story?
You don't have to be smart or important
to be in charge... just an *sshole.
charge?
All the organs of the body were having
a
meeting, trying to decide who was in
charge.
The brain said: "I should be in charge,
because I run all the body's systems,
so
without me nothing would happen."
"I should be in charge," said the
heart,
"because I pump the blood and circulate
oxygen all over the body, so without me
you'd all waste away."
"I should be in charge," said the
stomach, "because I process food and
give all of you energy."
"I should be in charge," said the
rectum, "because I'm responsible for
waste removal."
All the other body parts laughed at the
rectum and insulted him, so in a huff,
he shut down tight. Within a few days,
the brain had a terrible headache, the
stomach was bloated, and the blood was
toxic. Eventually the other organs gave
in. They all agreed that the rectum
should be the boss.
The moral of the story?
You don't have to be smart or important
to be in charge... just an *sshole.
⌐MEXICAN SMUGGLER
Juan comes up to the Mexican border on
his bicycle. He's got two large bags
over his shoulders.
The guard stops him and says, "What''s
in the bags?"
"Sand," answered Juan.
The guard says, "We'll just see about
that get off the bike." The guard takes
the bags and rips them apart; he
empties
them out and finds nothing in them but
sand.
He detains Juan overnight and has the
sand analyzed, only to discover that
there is nothing but pure sand in the
bags.
The guard releases Juan, puts the sand
into new bags, hefts them onto the
man''s shoulders, and lets him cross
the
border.
A week later, the same thing happens.
The guard asks, "What have you got?"
"Sand," says Juan.
The guard does his thorough examination
and discovers that the bags contain
nothing but sand.He gives the sand back
to Juan, and Juan crosses the border on
his bicycle.
This sequence of events if repeated
every day for three years. Finally,
Juan
doesn't show up one day and the guard
meets him in a Cantina in Mexico.
"Hey, Buddy," says the guard, "I know
you are smuggling something. It's
driving me crazy. It's all I think
about..... I can't sleep. Just between
you and me, what are you smuggling?"
Juan sips his beer and
says, "Bicycles."
his bicycle. He's got two large bags
over his shoulders.
The guard stops him and says, "What''s
in the bags?"
"Sand," answered Juan.
The guard says, "We'll just see about
that get off the bike." The guard takes
the bags and rips them apart; he
empties
them out and finds nothing in them but
sand.
He detains Juan overnight and has the
sand analyzed, only to discover that
there is nothing but pure sand in the
bags.
The guard releases Juan, puts the sand
into new bags, hefts them onto the
man''s shoulders, and lets him cross
the
border.
A week later, the same thing happens.
The guard asks, "What have you got?"
"Sand," says Juan.
The guard does his thorough examination
and discovers that the bags contain
nothing but sand.He gives the sand back
to Juan, and Juan crosses the border on
his bicycle.
This sequence of events if repeated
every day for three years. Finally,
Juan
doesn't show up one day and the guard
meets him in a Cantina in Mexico.
"Hey, Buddy," says the guard, "I know
you are smuggling something. It's
driving me crazy. It's all I think
about..... I can't sleep. Just between
you and me, what are you smuggling?"
Juan sips his beer and
says, "Bicycles."
The Blonde and the Blinker
Two blondes were driving down the road.
The blonde driving looks at her friend
in the passenger seat and asks her to
see if her blinker is working. So the
blonde looks out the window and says,
''Yes. No. Yes. No.''
The blonde driving looks at her friend
in the passenger seat and asks her to
see if her blinker is working. So the
blonde looks out the window and says,
''Yes. No. Yes. No.''
⌐Carbon Dating
How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
Give him a used tampon and ask him what
period it came from
Give him a used tampon and ask him what
period it came from
The Waiter and the Fart
A woman walks into a restaurant and
sits
down. As she bends down to reach into
her purse for her wallet, she farts
loudly with the waiter right behind
her.
She sits abruptly back up, glares at
the
waiter and shouts “Stop that!”
To which the waiter replies, “Sure,
which way did it go?”
sits
down. As she bends down to reach into
her purse for her wallet, she farts
loudly with the waiter right behind
her.
She sits abruptly back up, glares at
the
waiter and shouts “Stop that!”
To which the waiter replies, “Sure,
which way did it go?”
CINTA VS SUKA
diambil dari www.iluvislam.com
hasil nukilan nuqman
Di hadapan orang yang kita cinta, hati
kita akan berdegup kencang.
Tapi di depan orang yang kita suka, hati
kita akan gembira.
Di depan orang yang kita cinta, musim
sentiasa berbunga-bunga.
Di depan orang yang kita suka, musim itu
cuma berangin sahaja.
Jikalau kita lihat di dalam mata orang
yang kita cinta, kita akan kaku.
Jikalau kita melihat mata orang yang
kita suka, kita akan tersenyum.
Di depan orang yang kita cinta, lidah
kelu untuk berkata-kata.
Di depan orang yang kita suka, lidah
bebas berkata apa sahaja.
Di depan orang yang kita cinta, kita
menjadi malu.
Di depan orang yang kita suka, kita akan
tunjukkan imej yang sebenar.
Kita tidak boleh merenung mata orang
yang kita cinta.
Tapi kita selalu merenung mata orang
yang kita suka.
Bila orang yang kita cinta menangis,
kita akan turut menangis.
Bila orang yang kita suka menangis, kita
akan membuat dia gembira.
Perasaan cinta bermula dari kata.
Perasaan suka bermula dari telinga.
Jadi, jikalau kita berhenti menyukai
seseorang yang kita suka. Umpama kita
membuang telinga kita. Tapi jika kita
cuba menutup mata. Cinta berbuah menjadi
airmata. Setiap orang akan mengalami ini
dalam hidup mereka.
Cuma fikirkanlah bersama-sama siapa yang
anda cinta.
hasil nukilan nuqman
Di hadapan orang yang kita cinta, hati
kita akan berdegup kencang.
Tapi di depan orang yang kita suka, hati
kita akan gembira.
Di depan orang yang kita cinta, musim
sentiasa berbunga-bunga.
Di depan orang yang kita suka, musim itu
cuma berangin sahaja.
Jikalau kita lihat di dalam mata orang
yang kita cinta, kita akan kaku.
Jikalau kita melihat mata orang yang
kita suka, kita akan tersenyum.
Di depan orang yang kita cinta, lidah
kelu untuk berkata-kata.
Di depan orang yang kita suka, lidah
bebas berkata apa sahaja.
Di depan orang yang kita cinta, kita
menjadi malu.
Di depan orang yang kita suka, kita akan
tunjukkan imej yang sebenar.
Kita tidak boleh merenung mata orang
yang kita cinta.
Tapi kita selalu merenung mata orang
yang kita suka.
Bila orang yang kita cinta menangis,
kita akan turut menangis.
Bila orang yang kita suka menangis, kita
akan membuat dia gembira.
Perasaan cinta bermula dari kata.
Perasaan suka bermula dari telinga.
Jadi, jikalau kita berhenti menyukai
seseorang yang kita suka. Umpama kita
membuang telinga kita. Tapi jika kita
cuba menutup mata. Cinta berbuah menjadi
airmata. Setiap orang akan mengalami ini
dalam hidup mereka.
Cuma fikirkanlah bersama-sama siapa yang
anda cinta.
⌐HUSBANDS STORE
A brand new store has just opened in
New York City that sells Husbands.
When women go to choose a husband,
they have to follow the instructions
at the entrance:
"You may visit this store ONLY ONCE!"
There are 6 floors and the value of
the products increase as you ascend
the flights. You may choose any item
from a particular floor, or may choose
to go up to the next floor, but you
CANNOT go back down except to exit the
building! So, a woman goes to the
Husband Store to find a husband.
On the 1st floor the sign on the door
reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs. The 2nd
floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love
Kids.
The 3rd floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love
Kids and are extremely good looking.
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled
to keep going.
She goes to the 4th floor and the
sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love
Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and
Help with Housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can
hardly stand it!"
Still, she goes to the 5th floor and
sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love
Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, help
with Housework and Have A Strong
Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she
goes to the 6th floor and the sign
reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012
to this floor. There are no men on
this floor. This floor exists solely
as proof that women are impossible to
please. Thank you for shopping at the
Husband Store.
To avoid gender bias charges, the
store's owner opens a New Wives store
just across the street.
The 1st floor has wives that love sex.
The 2nd floor has wives that love sex
and have money.
The 3rd through 6th floors have never
been visited.
New York City that sells Husbands.
When women go to choose a husband,
they have to follow the instructions
at the entrance:
"You may visit this store ONLY ONCE!"
There are 6 floors and the value of
the products increase as you ascend
the flights. You may choose any item
from a particular floor, or may choose
to go up to the next floor, but you
CANNOT go back down except to exit the
building! So, a woman goes to the
Husband Store to find a husband.
On the 1st floor the sign on the door
reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs. The 2nd
floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love
Kids.
The 3rd floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love
Kids and are extremely good looking.
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled
to keep going.
She goes to the 4th floor and the
sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love
Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and
Help with Housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can
hardly stand it!"
Still, she goes to the 5th floor and
sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love
Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, help
with Housework and Have A Strong
Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she
goes to the 6th floor and the sign
reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012
to this floor. There are no men on
this floor. This floor exists solely
as proof that women are impossible to
please. Thank you for shopping at the
Husband Store.
To avoid gender bias charges, the
store's owner opens a New Wives store
just across the street.
The 1st floor has wives that love sex.
The 2nd floor has wives that love sex
and have money.
The 3rd through 6th floors have never
been visited.
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