SELL AT 198.15 (6:35)
TP : 197.6
SL : 198.4
see comments for result
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Monday, March 31, 2008
Saturday, March 29, 2008
GAME OF INTELLIGENCE
A blonde chick found herself sitting next to a lawyer on an airplane. Bored, the lawyer kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence (lawyers like easy prey). Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers he’d give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.
The lawyer first asked, “What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?” Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5.
The blonde then asked, “What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?”
The lawyer looked puzzled. He spent nearly an hour, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls, trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00
The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, “What is the answer to your question?”
Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.
FEMALE'S ENGLISH
WOMEN’S ENGLISH
Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
I’m sorry = You’ll be sorry
We need = I want
It’s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious
Do what you want = You’ll pay for this later
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure, go ahead = I don’t want you to do that
I’m not upset = Of course I’m upset
You’re so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
Be romantic and turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house
I want new curtains = I want new curtains, carpeting, furniture, and wallpaper
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep
Do you love me? = I want something expensive
How much do you love me? = I did something terrible today
I’ll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
Friday, March 28, 2008
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Sunday, March 23, 2008
THE INTELLIGENT
While visiting England, George Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people.
Bush asks how she knows if they’re intelligent.
“I do so by asking them the right questions,” says the Queen. “Allow me to demonstrate.”
Bush watches as the Queen phones Tony Blair and says, “Mr. Prime Minister, please answer this question: your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?”
Tony Blair responds, “It’s me, ma’am.”
“Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir,” says the Queen. She hangs up and says, “Did you get that, Mr. Bush?”
Bush nods: “Yes ma’am. Thanks a lot. I’ll definitely be using that!”
Bush, upon returning to Washington, decides he’d better put the Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. Bush summons Jesse Helms to the White House and says, “Senator Helms, I wonder if you can answer a question for me.”
“Why, of course, sir. What’s on your mind?”
Bush poses the question: “Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?”
Helms hems and haws and finally asks, “Can I think about it and get back to you?”
Bush agrees, and Helms leaves. He immediately calls a meeting of other senior Republican senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Helms calls Colin Powell at the State Department and explains his problem.
“Now look here, son, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?”
Powell answers immediately, “It’s me, of course.”
Much relieved, Helms rushes back to the White House, finds George Bush, and exclaims, “I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It’s Colin Powell!”
And Bush replies in disgust, “Wrong, you dumb shit, it’s Tony Blair!”
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
WOMEN'S EDUCATION
We always hear "the rules" from the
female side. Now here are the rules
from the male side.
These are OUR rules:
Please note… these are all
numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Breasts are for looking at and that
is why we do it. Don’t try to change
that.--damn right!!haha
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it
down. We need it up, you need it down.
You don’t hear us complaining about
you leaving it down.
1. Saturday = sports. It’s like the
full moon or the changing of the
tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we
are never going to think of it that
way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be
clear on this one:
* Subtle hints do not work!
* Strong hints do not work!
* Obvious hints do not work!
* JUST SAY IT!
1. ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ are perfectly
acceptable answers to almost every
question
1. Come to us with a problem only if
you want help solving it. That’s what
we do. Sympathy is what your
girlfriends are for
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months
is a problem. See a doctor
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is
inadmissible in an argument. In fact,
all comments become null and void
after 7 days
1. If you think you’re fat, you
probably are. Don’t ask us
1. If something we said can be
interpreted two ways, and one of the
ways makes you sad or angry, we meant
the other one
1. You can either ask us to do
something or tell us how you want it
done, not both. If you already know
best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say
whatever you have to say during
commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need
directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colours,
like Windows default settings. Peach,
for example, is a fruit, not a colour.
Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no
idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you
say "nothing," we will act like
nothing’s wrong. We know you are
lying, but it is just not worth the
hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don’t
want an answer to, expect an answer
you don’t want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere,
absolutely anything you wear is fine,
Really
1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking
about unless you are prepared to
discuss such topics as:
* Sex,
* Sport,
* Cars,
* or Computers
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I
know, I have to sleep on the couch
tonight, but did you know men really
don’t mind that, it’s like camping.
Pass this to as many men as you can -
to give them a laugh.
Pass this to as many women as you can -
to give them an education
female side. Now here are the rules
from the male side.
These are OUR rules:
Please note… these are all
numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Breasts are for looking at and that
is why we do it. Don’t try to change
that.--damn right!!haha
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it
down. We need it up, you need it down.
You don’t hear us complaining about
you leaving it down.
1. Saturday = sports. It’s like the
full moon or the changing of the
tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we
are never going to think of it that
way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be
clear on this one:
* Subtle hints do not work!
* Strong hints do not work!
* Obvious hints do not work!
* JUST SAY IT!
1. ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ are perfectly
acceptable answers to almost every
question
1. Come to us with a problem only if
you want help solving it. That’s what
we do. Sympathy is what your
girlfriends are for
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months
is a problem. See a doctor
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is
inadmissible in an argument. In fact,
all comments become null and void
after 7 days
1. If you think you’re fat, you
probably are. Don’t ask us
1. If something we said can be
interpreted two ways, and one of the
ways makes you sad or angry, we meant
the other one
1. You can either ask us to do
something or tell us how you want it
done, not both. If you already know
best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say
whatever you have to say during
commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need
directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colours,
like Windows default settings. Peach,
for example, is a fruit, not a colour.
Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no
idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you
say "nothing," we will act like
nothing’s wrong. We know you are
lying, but it is just not worth the
hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don’t
want an answer to, expect an answer
you don’t want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere,
absolutely anything you wear is fine,
Really
1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking
about unless you are prepared to
discuss such topics as:
* Sex,
* Sport,
* Cars,
* or Computers
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I
know, I have to sleep on the couch
tonight, but did you know men really
don’t mind that, it’s like camping.
Pass this to as many men as you can -
to give them a laugh.
Pass this to as many women as you can -
to give them an education
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