GAME OF INTELLIGENCE

A blonde chick found herself sitting next to a lawyer on an airplane. Bored, the lawyer kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence (lawyers like easy prey). Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers he’d give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.

The lawyer first asked, “What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?” Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5.

The blonde then asked, “What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?”

The lawyer looked puzzled. He spent nearly an hour, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls, trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00

The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, “What is the answer to your question?”

Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.

FEMALE'S ENGLISH

WOMEN’S ENGLISH

Yes = No
No = Yes

Maybe = No
I’m sorry = You’ll be sorry

We need = I want
It’s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious

Do what you want = You’ll pay for this later
We need to talk = I need to complain

Sure, go ahead = I don’t want you to do that
I’m not upset = Of course I’m upset

You’re so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
Be romantic and turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs

This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house
I want new curtains = I want new curtains, carpeting, furniture, and wallpaper

I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep
Do you love me? = I want something expensive

How much do you love me? = I did something terrible today
I’ll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV

You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me

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THE INTELLIGENT

While visiting England, George Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people.

Bush asks how she knows if they’re intelligent.

“I do so by asking them the right questions,” says the Queen. “Allow me to demonstrate.”

Bush watches as the Queen phones Tony Blair and says, “Mr. Prime Minister, please answer this question: your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?”

Tony Blair responds, “It’s me, ma’am.”

“Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir,” says the Queen. She hangs up and says, “Did you get that, Mr. Bush?”

Bush nods: “Yes ma’am. Thanks a lot. I’ll definitely be using that!”

Bush, upon returning to Washington, decides he’d better put the Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. Bush summons Jesse Helms to the White House and says, “Senator Helms, I wonder if you can answer a question for me.”

“Why, of course, sir. What’s on your mind?”

Bush poses the question: “Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?”

Helms hems and haws and finally asks, “Can I think about it and get back to you?”

Bush agrees, and Helms leaves. He immediately calls a meeting of other senior Republican senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Helms calls Colin Powell at the State Department and explains his problem.

“Now look here, son, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?”

Powell answers immediately, “It’s me, of course.”

Much relieved, Helms rushes back to the White House, finds George Bush, and exclaims, “I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It’s Colin Powell!”

And Bush replies in disgust, “Wrong, you dumb shit, it’s Tony Blair!”

WOMEN'S EDUCATION

We always hear "the rules" from the
female side. Now here are the rules
from the male side.

These are OUR rules:
Please note… these are all
numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Breasts are for looking at and that
is why we do it. Don’t try to change
that.--damn right!!haha

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it
down. We need it up, you need it down.
You don’t hear us complaining about
you leaving it down.

1. Saturday = sports. It’s like the
full moon or the changing of the
tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we
are never going to think of it that
way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be
clear on this one:

* Subtle hints do not work!
* Strong hints do not work!
* Obvious hints do not work!
* JUST SAY IT!

1. ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ are perfectly
acceptable answers to almost every
question

1. Come to us with a problem only if
you want help solving it. That’s what
we do. Sympathy is what your
girlfriends are for

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months
is a problem. See a doctor

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is
inadmissible in an argument. In fact,
all comments become null and void
after 7 days

1. If you think you’re fat, you
probably are. Don’t ask us

1. If something we said can be
interpreted two ways, and one of the
ways makes you sad or angry, we meant
the other one

1. You can either ask us to do
something or tell us how you want it
done, not both. If you already know
best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say
whatever you have to say during
commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need
directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colours,
like Windows default settings. Peach,
for example, is a fruit, not a colour.
Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no
idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you
say "nothing," we will act like
nothing’s wrong. We know you are
lying, but it is just not worth the
hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don’t
want an answer to, expect an answer
you don’t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere,
absolutely anything you wear is fine,
Really

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking
about unless you are prepared to
discuss such topics as:

* Sex,
* Sport,
* Cars,
* or Computers

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I
know, I have to sleep on the couch
tonight, but did you know men really
don’t mind that, it’s like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can -
to give them a laugh.
Pass this to as many women as you can -
to give them an education

⌐75 STORY SKY SCRAPER

 Bill, Jim, and Scott were at a convention together and were
sharing a large suite on the top of a 75 story sky scraper.
After a long day of meetings they were shocked to hear that the
elevators in their hotel were broken and they would have to climb
75 flights of stairs to get to their room.

Bill said to Jim and
Scott, let's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by
concentrating on something interesting.  I'll tell jokes for 25
flights, and Jim can sing songs for 25 flights, and Scott can
tell sad stories the rest of the way.  At the 26th floor Bill
stopped telling jokes and Jim began to sing.  At the 51st floor
Jim stopped singing and Scott began to tell sad stories.  "I will
tell my saddest story first," he said.  "I left the room key in
the car!"

SELFISH?

it was like "dont ask what your country
can do for you,the problem is what you
can do to your country" same goes with
this stupid bulletin, why keep asking
the male species to treat female the way
they like? so female,stop asking and
start giving. be a bit reasonable,dont
you think that it was very SELFISH?


When she walks away from you
mad
[ Follow her ]

When she stares at your mouth
[ smile...then kiss her ]

When she pushes you or hit's you
[ hug her tight ]

When she starts cursing at you
[ say i love you ]

When she's quiet
[ hold her hand and ask what's wrong ]

When she ignores you
[ act cute so she'll notice you ]

When she pulls away
[ Pull her back ]

When you see her at her worst
[ tell her you love her and she still
looks amazing ]

When you see her start crying
[hold her...ask her what's wrong]

When you see her walking
[ approach her..give a kiss on the
cheek. ]

When she's scared
[assure her you're not goin to leave
her ]

When she lays her head on your
shoulder
[ tilt your head too..and hold her
hand ]

When she steals your favorite hat
[ let her keep it]

When she teases you
[ Tease her back and make her laugh ]

When she doesnt answer for a long time
[ reassure her that everything is
okay ]

When she looks at you with doubt
[ Back yourself up ]

When she says that she likes you
[ she really does more than you could
understand ]

When she grabs at your hands
[ Hold hers and play with her
fingers ]

When she bumps into you
[ bump into her back and make her
laugh ]

When she tells you a secret
[ keep it safe and untold ]

When she looks at you in your eyes
[ dont look away until she does ]

When she misses you
[ she's hurting inside ]

When you break her heart
[ the pain never really goes away ]

When she says its over
[ she still wants you to be hers ]

When she repost this bulletin
[ she wants you to read it ]


- Stay on the phone with her even if
shes not saying anything.

- When she's mad hug her tight and
don't
let go

- When she says she's ok dont believe
it, talk with her

- because 10 yrs later she'll remember
you:

- Call her at 12:00am on her birthday
to tell her you love her

- Call her before you sleep and after
you wake up

- Treat her like she's all that matters
to you.

- Tease her and let her tease you back.

- Stay up all night with her when she's
sick.
- Watch her favorite movie with her or
her favorite show even if you think its
stupid.
- Give her the world.

- Let her wear your clothes.

- When she's bored and sad, hang out
with her.

- Let her know she's important.

- Kiss her in the pouring rain.

- When she runs up at you crying, the
first thing you say is;
"Who's ass am I kicking babe?"

If you do forward this in the next four
minutes the one you love will :

•Call you.
•Kiss you.
•Love you.
•Text you.

Guys forward as: "i'd be this
boyfriend."
Girls forward as: "A true boyfriend "
or "
what a boyfriend should do
OR
IF U WANT ME TO DO THESE U MIGHT ALSO
KILL ME!!

WHY DO U LOVE ME?

this is another stupid sweet story,the
reason girl ask this question is only
because they wanted to hear guys saying
good things about them.What ever the
reason pn as long as u say that ur girl
is pretty she will be satisfied enough.
Admit it pompuan mmg ske dipuji...kn?kn?


Lady: Why do you like me..? Why do you
LoVe me?

Man: I can't tell the reason... but I
really like you...

Lady: You can't even tell me the
reason... how can you say you like me?
How can you say you LoVe me?

Man: I really don't know the reason,
but I can prove that I LoVe you.

Lady: Proof? No! I want you to tell me
the reason. My friend's boyfriend can
tell her why he LoVes her but not you!

Man: Ok...ok!!! Erm... because you are
beautiful, because your voice is sweet,
because you are caring, because you are
LoVing, because you are thoughtful,
because of your smile, because of your
every movement.

The lady felt very satisfied with the
man's answer.
Unfortunately, a few days later, the
Lady met with an accident & became
coma.
The Guy then placed a letter by her
side, & here is the content:

Darling, Because of your sweet voice
that I LoVe you...
Now can you talk?
No! Therefore I cannot LoVe you.
Because of your care and concern that I
like you...
Now that you cannot show them,
therefore I cannot LoVe you.
Because of your smile, because of your
every movements that I LoVe you...
Now can you smile?
Now can you move?
No, therefore I cannot LoVe you...

If LoVe needs a reason, like now, there
is no reason for me to LoVe you
anymore.
Does LoVe need a reason?
NO!

Therefore, I still LoVe you...
And LoVe doesn't need a reason

"Sometimes the best & the most
beautiful things in the world cannot be
seen, cannot be touched, but can be
felt in the Heart”
Life is Beautiful…