ALMOST TRUE

--Guys may be flirting around all day
but before they go to sleep, they
always think about the girl they truly
care about.


--Don't talk about your guy friends to
your boyfriend.

--Guys get jealous easily.


--Guys are more emotional than they'd
like people to think.


--Giving a guy a hanging message
like "You know
what?!..uh...nevermind.." would make
him jump to a conclusion that is far
from what you are thinking. And he'll
assume he did something wrong and
he'll obsess about it trying to figure
it out.


--Guys are good flatterers when
courting but they usually stammer when
they talk to a girl they really like.


--A usual act that proves that the guy
likes you is when he teases you.


--Guys love you more than you love
them if they are serious in your
relationships.


--Guys think WAY too much. One small
thing a girl does, even if she doesn't
notice it can make the guy think about
it for hours, trying to figure out
what it meant.


--Guys seek for advice from girls not
other guys. Because most guys think
alike, so if one guy's confused, then
we're all confused.


--When a guy asks you to leave him
alone, he's just actually
saying, "Please come and listen to me."


--If a guy starts to talk seriously,
listen to him. It doesn't happen that
often, so when it does, you know
something's up.


--A guy has more problems than you can
see with your naked eyes.

--Don't be a snob. Guys can be
intimidated and give up easily.


--Guys talk about girls more than
girls talk about guys.

--Guys hate rejection, but they hate
being led on even more.


--If you are going to reject a guy,
just do it. Don't say they are like a
brother or just good friends, it just
hurts even more. Tell them that you
aren't interested in a relationship
and they will respect you.


--Guys really think that girls are
strange and have unpredictable
decisions and are MAD confusing but
somehow are drawn even more to them

B4 & AFTER MARRIAGE

Before marriage.
Darling here.. Darling there...
After marriage.
Baling here... Baling there..

Before marriage.
I die for you. . .
After marriage.
"You die, up to you. "
Lagi lama married.
You die I help you!

Before marriage.
You go anywhere. . I follow you.
After marriage. .
You go anywhere. . Up to you .
Lagi lama married.
You go anywhere better get lost!!

Before wedding
You are my heart, you are my love"
After wedding
"you get on my nerves. "

Before wedding
"you are sweet and kind just like
Cinderella"
After wedding
"you are worse than godzila"

Before wedding
Roses are red, violets are blue. Like it
or not, I'm stuck with you
After wedding
Roses are dead, I am blue. You get on my
head, I will sue you

Before wedding
Every makan time he brings you to Shangri-La
After wedding
You want to go, he says you wait-la

Before wedding
She looks like Anita Sarawak
After wedding
Don't know whether katak or biawak

Who Runs the Human Body?

In the human body, which organ is in
charge?

All the organs of the body were having
a
meeting, trying to decide who was in
charge.

The brain said: "I should be in charge,
because I run all the body's systems,
so
without me nothing would happen."

"I should be in charge," said the
heart,
"because I pump the blood and circulate
oxygen all over the body, so without me
you'd all waste away."

"I should be in charge," said the
stomach, "because I process food and
give all of you energy."

"I should be in charge," said the
rectum, "because I'm responsible for
waste removal."

All the other body parts laughed at the
rectum and insulted him, so in a huff,
he shut down tight. Within a few days,
the brain had a terrible headache, the
stomach was bloated, and the blood was
toxic. Eventually the other organs gave
in. They all agreed that the rectum
should be the boss.

The moral of the story?

You don't have to be smart or important
to be in charge... just an *sshole.

⌐MEXICAN SMUGGLER

Juan comes up to the Mexican border on
his bicycle. He's got two large bags
over his shoulders.

The guard stops him and says, "What''s
in the bags?"

"Sand," answered Juan.

The guard says, "We'll just see about
that get off the bike." The guard takes
the bags and rips them apart; he
empties
them out and finds nothing in them but
sand.

He detains Juan overnight and has the
sand analyzed, only to discover that
there is nothing but pure sand in the
bags.

The guard releases Juan, puts the sand
into new bags, hefts them onto the
man''s shoulders, and lets him cross
the
border.

A week later, the same thing happens.
The guard asks, "What have you got?"

"Sand," says Juan.

The guard does his thorough examination
and discovers that the bags contain
nothing but sand.He gives the sand back
to Juan, and Juan crosses the border on
his bicycle.

This sequence of events if repeated
every day for three years. Finally,
Juan
doesn't show up one day and the guard
meets him in a Cantina in Mexico.

"Hey, Buddy," says the guard, "I know
you are smuggling something. It's
driving me crazy. It's all I think
about..... I can't sleep. Just between
you and me, what are you smuggling?"

Juan sips his beer and
says, "Bicycles."

The Blonde and the Blinker

Two blondes were driving down the road.
The blonde driving looks at her friend
in the passenger seat and asks her to
see if her blinker is working. So the
blonde looks out the window and says,
''Yes. No. Yes. No.''

⌐Carbon Dating

How do you embarrass an archaeologist?

Give him a used tampon and ask him what
period it came from

The Waiter and the Fart

A woman walks into a restaurant and
sits
down. As she bends down to reach into
her purse for her wallet, she farts
loudly with the waiter right behind
her.
She sits abruptly back up, glares at
the
waiter and shouts “Stop that!”
To which the waiter replies, “Sure,
which way did it go?”

CINTA VS SUKA

diambil dari www.iluvislam.com
hasil nukilan nuqman

Di hadapan orang yang kita cinta, hati
kita akan berdegup kencang.
Tapi di depan orang yang kita suka, hati
kita akan gembira.

Di depan orang yang kita cinta, musim
sentiasa berbunga-bunga.
Di depan orang yang kita suka, musim itu
cuma berangin sahaja.

Jikalau kita lihat di dalam mata orang
yang kita cinta, kita akan kaku.
Jikalau kita melihat mata orang yang
kita suka, kita akan tersenyum.

Di depan orang yang kita cinta, lidah
kelu untuk berkata-kata.
Di depan orang yang kita suka, lidah
bebas berkata apa sahaja.

Di depan orang yang kita cinta, kita
menjadi malu.
Di depan orang yang kita suka, kita akan
tunjukkan imej yang sebenar.

Kita tidak boleh merenung mata orang
yang kita cinta.
Tapi kita selalu merenung mata orang
yang kita suka.

Bila orang yang kita cinta menangis,
kita akan turut menangis.
Bila orang yang kita suka menangis, kita
akan membuat dia gembira.

Perasaan cinta bermula dari kata.
Perasaan suka bermula dari telinga.


Jadi, jikalau kita berhenti menyukai
seseorang yang kita suka. Umpama kita
membuang telinga kita. Tapi jika kita
cuba menutup mata. Cinta berbuah menjadi
airmata. Setiap orang akan mengalami ini
dalam hidup mereka.

Cuma fikirkanlah bersama-sama siapa yang
anda cinta.

⌐HUSBANDS STORE

A brand new store has just opened in
New York City that sells Husbands.

When women go to choose a husband,
they have to follow the instructions
at the entrance:

"You may visit this store ONLY ONCE!"
There are 6 floors and the value of
the products increase as you ascend
the flights. You may choose any item
from a particular floor, or may choose
to go up to the next floor, but you
CANNOT go back down except to exit the
building! So, a woman goes to the
Husband Store to find a husband.

On the 1st floor the sign on the door
reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs. The 2nd
floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love
Kids.
The 3rd floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love
Kids and are extremely good looking.
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled
to keep going.

She goes to the 4th floor and the
sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love
Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and
Help with Housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can
hardly stand it!"

Still, she goes to the 5th floor and
sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love
Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, help
with Housework and Have A Strong
Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she
goes to the 6th floor and the sign
reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012
to this floor. There are no men on
this floor. This floor exists solely
as proof that women are impossible to
please. Thank you for shopping at the
Husband Store.

To avoid gender bias charges, the
store's owner opens a New Wives store
just across the street.

The 1st floor has wives that love sex.
The 2nd floor has wives that love sex
and have money.
The 3rd through 6th floors have never
been visited.

⌐30 DAYS BLOGGING SUCCESS

Open source thinking is a better approach. So let's be open source in thinking.

Hit the keyword scraper and content generation forum here and hunt for scripts, learn how to install and run both php and perl scripts. After you can successfully setup and run a few scripts in the content generation and keyword scraping forum (there are a ton of free scripts here to do anything you need). Once you can do this go look into blogger and wordpress free hosted blogs. Setup multiple accounts (NOTE: MULTIPLE ACCOUNTS, NOT MULTIPLE BLOGS)... using a different email for each account (be very cautious on how you do things when youre a newb to this stuff)... each one of these should have 1 blog that related to whatever topic you choose (choose any topic, seriously, floor lamps, disney cartoons, whatever). I would setup about 10 blogger accounts and 10 wordpress accounts. Do not try to use automated software yet (the best method when starting this kind of thing is to do things manually for a while until you know what works manually, because manually you can change anything and everything.)


Now once you have these accounts setup make a post on each blog. Dont put any links in any of the posts. Just write some random stuff about the topic and talk about what youre going to be posting in the blog later (just make stuff up).. Don't use articles you find online and don't just duplicate the same post to each blog, make each post unique and try to use different layouts for the blogs.

up to this point you should not even have a domain name or hosting, just your 20 blogs and a few scripts to scrape for keywords and generate content. Now do the blog posting thing every day , once per day on each blog, for a week solid. Make sure the blogs are setup to ping after you make a post (youll have to look in the options areas and get familiar with where shit is in blogger and wordpress, as you should anyway, so forcing you to hunt for this is better long term). Now after a week you should have spiders that love your site, are crawling all over it and eating it up. Now comes the fun part.

You have built your first small blog farm which leads to your sites being indexed without spending a dime. Now go buy a domain name, I suggest you not think too much about what it will be but make sure its relevent to your topic. Now you can also get some good hosting at certain places. If you want to be cheap go with dreamhost. They suck at support and go down alot but give you a ton of shit for next to nothing. If you want some good reliable hosting go to resellerzoom, they have a $5 per month plan that should get you started. Don't want to invest all at once? pay for it monthly, surely you can afford $5 a month. You may also decide in a month that blackhat seo just isn't for you (some people just don't like it). If anyone wants to post other good hosts here go for it, search the forum, there are tons of them.

Now get your keyword list that you made from your scripts and start generating pages. Don't worry about how youre going to make money on all of this, it will come in time, just focus on generating pages, making your blog posts, and having a good keyword list. For a starter site I would do a list of about 1500 keywords and generate 1500 pages. Don't try to cloak yet. the focus here is to get you in the mindset that "indexing is key". Focus for now on just being able to get a site indexed quickly so you know a good strategy in the future of getting something indexed. Now after your pages are generated you need to make a sitemap page in html. Basically the sitemap page just links to all of the pages on your site (yes all 1500). Upload this sitemap and the 1500 pages to your hosting. Now what do we do with index.html (the front page of the site). Well write a very good article (around 500 words) related to your topic. Don't make it like a blog post where it's personal, it needs to be an article discussing something in the niche. Now use the same layout for all pages and make sure the layout has an image somewhere in it (and the image needs to be relative to your topic). On the front page where you wrote that article have the image in your template link to your sitemap page you made that has all 1500 links to the other pages. Nobody except the bots will realize that the image is a link (unless they accidentley move their mouse over it and click). After you have done all this and have your full first blackhat site up on the domain go to your 20 blogs and make a new post. Only post a link to your site on half of the blogs at max in a single day. The next day on your blog postings, post the link to the other half that don't have a link yet. You don't want to raise red flags by having 20 blogs all in one day link to the site, remember this is all new, be cautious until you are good enough to take risks.

Your sitemap page and front page should showup in google, yahoo, and msn within 2 days. As for the rest of the pages that are linked on the sitemap page, well be patient. Keep posting to your blogs and use your link sparingly. You don't want to just throw away a domain because you got to excited and posted your link on all 20 blogs on the same day. In the old days that worked, the new trick to getting sites indexed and keeping them indexed is slow and steady. Within a month your entire site should be indexed on the 3 major search engines. If it isn't start trying to hunt down the problems and what went wrong.

After you can get a site indexed within a month start looking into how to convert this to revenue. Maybe you get another domain that has an article and adsense at the top and on your 1500 pages use cloaking. When you get to that point you will have been in this forum long enough to know how to implement those techniques.

Most newbs make the mistake of trying to run a marathon before they learn to crawl in blackhat seo. Sure you can setup an entire system that does everything and anything you want (it has been done many times here). But honestly to learn all the techniques and build the actual scripts would take a month also. Which is the other route you can take. Learn the stuff you need to know and build a massive system to automate everything. It's very risky if youre not positive the system will work.

So i would recommend following these steps...
1. Learn to get pages indexed fast using blogs (a month tops)
2. Learn to cloak, banner links, and generate revenue from your sites.
3. Learn to link spam and other tricky backlinking methods (Referrer spam, trackback spam, forum spam, etc) EFFECTIVELY.

I put the link spam stuff last because it is the riskiest part of this business, all it takes is one pissed off blogger to nab you and your site goes down, there are ways to prevent it (link to 404 pages, link to a real page with real content, etc, etc).


Good luck, and that should be open source enough for you. Make sure you understand why things work before you jump into the "how do i do this 4000 times". Once you have an effective system and you know the exact things you need and how to automate things, hire a coder to write a full system for you or write it yourself. Consider this your test site.